Interview questions and answers
1. You guys are in the process of writing and producing a new sampler, how’s it going?
Dave: it’s going very well actually; we just finished a couple of songs. We’re working out the wrinkles. We’re making a lot of progress putting a lot of late nights in. it’s been lots of fun.
2. How is it different then Palace? What was Palace like?
Dave: Well palace took a long time cause there were so many schedule restrictions, we were recording one day a week for two hours. We were really happy with the way it came out and the new stuff is going to be a lot different. We’re expanding on what we can do. There’s definitely some changes, some good ones.
3. What is your writing process like?
Dave: for us I think its all about feeling it, we kinda have to feel things out. If something doesn’t feel right, we’ll move on. Brett comes in with a weeks worth of ideas and we’ll move in the direction of what we like the best and we’ll feel around with what we like the best. It takes a couple of sessions but as long as we’re happy.
4.Worst. Dinner Guest. Ever. What is it about exactly? The title doesn’t seem to match the lyrics.
Dave: no not at all, most of the titles don’t match the lyrics, don’t know why that’s just the way they are. If you really think about it, it does make sense. I hate the winter more that anything, its about how much I hate winter and I want it to be summer, we wrote it in the winter.
5.I know you guys have switched members around since the band has first started. How has your lineup changed your style or changed you guys if any?
Dave: I don’t know if it’s changed our style because we really have the same common goal in what we want to do, its just changed the way we write because people come in and out and we have to go with the flow. In forms of changing us, we always seem to have that one member that’s always iffy and theres the core of me, sean, tim and brett and theres always that thing that we have to find that set piece.
6. You guys are going on tour in January, how do you feel about it?
Dave: I think collectively we are all very very excited, its kinda the opportunity we’ve all been waiting for really. I think we’re all all on the same page, we all want to do this full time. Its going to be a lot of fun. It’s a good chance to go out there and have fun playing music. We expect to meet new people and get out to palce we haven’t been before, its always fun living in a van.
7.Since you’ve been on tour before, how is the crowd different from home then on tour?
Dave: it all depends on where you go. We love being home cause its where all our friends are but when you go out into other places esp down south, everyone is a lot more into it. People kinda are accepting. More willing to give things a chance, even if they don’t like it they will still watch.
8.If you could choose right now, what bands would you love to tour with?
Dave: I don’t know I mean I could only say bands that we would love to see. I could see four years strong everyday and not get sick of them. New found glory and glassjaw would be great too.
9.Who are your influences?
Dave: we have so many, I think just about everything really. From just about anything, we all listen to a wide variety of music and incorporate it. I guess for me I basically grew up on Michael Jackson, Glassjaw, Taking Back Sunday.
10.Have you had the chance to work with any? How woulod you feel?
Dave: no we haven’t had the chance, Michael Jackson is deceased but if I ever did get the chance I don’t think I could say anything, I would be in awe the whole time. I would try to take in as much as possible and just learn from them.
11.Anything new that can be told?
Dave: we’ll we will be going on tour in January, we will be recording new songs and we will have lots of surprises. I’d say hopefully come spring we will have things good.

They say that the captain stays fast with the ship,
Through still and storm.

I don't plan on using this as much as I used to.
No one needs to know what I'm thinking.

I need to move onto bigger and better things. I really do.
I don't have anything else to say, I don't want anyone to know anything about me anymore. Won't be writing much these days.

I ordered a Midtown shirt from their 2002 tour and it came in today. I can't stop smiling.

Sometimes my plans go to shit.
Listening to this I can't stop smiling. I miss them alot.
Wearing my Midtown shit all day, even if I see All Time Low, its comin with me.

The next few months

October

The Title October 16th Butler Church of Nazarene Butler, NJ
All Time Low October 17th Starland Ballroom Sayreville, NJ
The Title October 23rd Stevens Institute of Technology Hoboken, NJ
ISetMyFriendsOnFire October 26th Gramercy Theater New York, NY
Finch October 27th Highline Ballroom New York, NY
Trees Above Mandalay October 30th 1096 Convery Blvd Perth Amboy, NJ
Matt and Kim October 31st Hammerstein Ballroom New York, NY

November

Gabriel The Marine November 5th The Studio at Webster Hall New York, NY
Goot November 6th Freehold VFW Freehold, NJ
Mayday Parade November 7th Starland Ballroom Sayreville, NJ
The Starting Line November 9th World Live Café Philadelphia, PA
The Downtowns November 14th Station 36 Waretown Firehall Waretown, NJ
Or
Silverstein November 14th Starland Ballroom Sayreville, NJ
Breathe Carolina November 16th First Unitatian Church Philadephia, PA
The Honorary Title November 20th Williamsburg Music Hall Brooklyn, NY
Gabriel The Marine November 22nd Maxwells Hoboken, NJ
Brand New November 28th Nassau Coliseaum Uniondale, NY
Select Start November 29th Vibe Lounge Rockville Center, NY

December

All Time Low December 4th Hammerstein Ballroom New York, NY
The Queers December 5th Maxwells Hoboken, NJ
Rooney December 12th Club Stage Baltimore, MD
Select Start December 13th School Of Rock South Hackensack, NJ
Select Start December 18th Marlboro Rec Center Marlboro, NJ

Come. Have fun. Dance. Say hello.
This internship is pretty sweet.

A letter to you

You were turning to the brother I never had, considering my own never acted like it.
It was honestly great when you came over, you were so funny and we had the same interests.
Things got creepy as years passed.
Now all you do is travel and sometimes I worry about you, I have no clue what you're even thinking anymore.
Some stuff you say scares me, be safe please.
I can't see the future but I see where you're leading and its not lookin pretty.

Please be careful

So.

A few nights ago I was really upset.
I just wanted to talk to someone, someone that would make me feel better, someone who I know can calm me down. I didn't even think of you and I know you would have wanted me to. You always tell me to come to you if I ever need someone and I didn't even think of it.

I won't tell you but I'm sorry.


Blink is cool but I'm happy I spent it on the beach with friends.
Plus, I only spent 12 bucks today whereas I would have spent 72 bucks.

I'm made two lists, one materialistic and one not.
The materialistic one is just going to be stuff that I may want to buy.
The other is things I want to do, places I want to see and things I want to complete in my life.

I want to do everything on the second. If I do it, I'll write about it.

If I do it, I'll post about it.

Today

How I love you so.

Did spectacular in communications today, I'm way ready for this test.
Paycheck was way more then I expected :)
Its nice and sunny with no clouds.
So far I haven't had to stop at ONE red light and I've been driving since this morning.
Getting Taco Bell later
Edison Fall festival
Hoboken tonight

Oh. And I have an interview on Wednesday for the internship.

She's scared of flies. I found her in the closet haha.

My heart is fluttering ugh.
You make my stomach turn ugh.
One of my neighbors has a VW Van, I want to steal it.



I just want you to be happy.
Theres so much I want to tell you, it will all come out eventually.

My stomach

is doing cartwheels.


Tonight was great though, I love moments like this

Theres this cute boy that goes to MCC. He's tall, curly/messy hair and brunette.
I've seen him TWICE on campus. What the heck.

Come back cute boy :(

Today was a sleeping in kinda day. Hell its still a sleeping kinda day but I won't.
Its study time, cleaning time and doggy sit Bita time.
Work is gonna take a backseat, this is gonna be a good ass semester, I feel it.
Actually work doesn't have to, I'm just gonna work two or three days out of the week but I'm gonna work 9.45 - 9.45. Maybe a weekend. Maybe. Its easier to get bigger paychecks working less cause it makes gives it a smaller opportunity to not reach quota. More days = bigger quota.

I'm gonna make it work and I can't wait until its finally shown.


Oh. PS. my mom hates you. HAH she doesn't hate anyone but you :p

wow.

I don't have words. I wish you were happy, I really do.



anyway.
i love my best friends.
i love last night.
i love everything about last night.

Operation get Jeffrey fired worked.
But I didnt do anything, I was in Florida.
Jeffrey was just being his usual shitty self, he got himself fired.
Anywhoooo its my first day back tomorrow.

I miss the little lizards running around everywhere, even on top of my feet but I like walking on grass.

Everyone has been hearing weird stuff around me, I don't like it.
Somewhat scared of the dark.. well not the dark but what could be in it. Call me childish I know, its just something I don't like.


All about free shows. Maybe I'll just work all day Saturday and not Friday. We'll see.
I'm really looking forward to Colombia in January.
Everything is looking up and I couldn't be happier.

Update:

-School has started. I'm running around trying to keep everything in line, so far, so good.
-Everything I said about Little K I stick to. I miss her.
-Home is.. well home.
-I love my friends. Seriously alot, I really want them to realize how much they do mean to me. Somehow I think they get it.
-Stevens on Thursday. Hangin with Barnes. Maybe Calvin Harris.

If I can think up anything else I will.

Oh, and I don't like to listen to your stuff, makes me miss you a little you fucker.

Dear Little K

I don't know where to start, I've just had a million things running through my head since I heard the news.

Saw you on the rode behind work and I swerved into the parking lot, I couldn't let you just be there on your own. Took me forever so I went home but made sure to come back for you, i didnt want you to feel alone and forgotten. So i went back with my parents and we finally got you. you got so close for me to hold you and i brought you back home with me. you were so little you barely had nails and the smallest teeth i've ever seen. so little we gave you milk until you didnt want anymore. you went into the bathroom downstairs and i checked up on you every few hours. you climbed onto my lap when i would come in but then i would have to leave to go upstairs. all i wanted was to spend time with you and watch you sleep. in the morning i tried to look for any place to receive you, i only wanted the best. you finally fell asleep curled up in a ball on snowballs bed then my lap. i never had that feeling, not even with snowball, she attacked everyone, including me the first year of her life. you slept when you were with me, it was indescribable. introduced you to craig and he fell in love with you too. we tried to bring you to the edison shelter but it was a no go so we went on the search for the sewarrn shelter and found it. it was a nice place and as much as it hurt to give you to them, i felt good about it. it was a nice shelter and they immediately gave you food and milk and wiped you down. that was the last time i saw you.

my manager said that you were doing fine and great. that was the day before i left for florida.
i wish i could have seen you.
its not fair.
i keep replaying us meowing for the first time, how could such a thing happen to you?
theres so many questions i want to ask, did someone hold your paw, did someone scratch you beind your ears as this all happened? i can't stop crying lil k, i just wanted you to be loved. i wanted you to be happy. i wanted you to be with a loving home, with cat toys and wonderfulness and just the best for you. i really tried to find a home for you when you were with me. i'm sorry i couldnt find one. i wish you could forgive me. please just show me you're happy somewhere. i don't know lil k, you got into my heart.

rest in peace baby.
i hope to see you soon someday.




it better happen with cats and bunnies and every animal.
they should all get a chance.
<3

This was my grandpa and grandma along with my dad and uncles/ aunts.
I see all my uncles faces in my grandpa and I get told that I look like my dad.
So does that mean I look like my grandpa?

Its gettting ugly

Dad called me lazy like my mother.
Mom called me as unhelpful as a Chavarria.

I can't wait to get out of here.

I'm keeping this public.
Seriously I love this past weekend, met such nice people and spent time with some I don't see much and of course always make time for bestfriend time.

Thank you so much to everyone who had a piece of this weekend, I mean it.




Someone watch some zombie movies with me.

Used to write in this everyday, then it turned to every other day, and now its maybe once or twice a week.

Thinging I might stop this all together or just make it private.
I don't really like people knowing my business, only people that I allow.

Florida on Friday.
If I could, I would just go right not, if only Rochester wasn't six hours away.

Going to visit Little K today, I missed her.
Shes in the Sewaren animal shelter and I'm gonna start volunteering there when I come back from Florida. Haha I'm going to need Claratin everyday I go but its alright I can deal.

Give me new music please and thank you.
I'll be watching Dateline: Real life mysteries.
Possibly going to Croc Rock later, not sure.
Maybe Brooklyn to see Girl Talk, also not sure.


Florida on Friday.

I'd have to say

right now is my favorite moment of this summer.



Her name is Little K.
Shes going to the Edison Animal Shelter but I had a talk with them and I can come and visit her and bring her food.
I plan on doing so until she finds a loving home, I just don't want her to think I forgot about her.

Blink was great. It was me, Jon, Chris and this girl Allie.
Panic played first. They did well but I still don't like em hah.
Fall Out Boy did so well, there's just something about when Pete screams that just does it for me haha.
Blink 182.. wow. Thats all I can say, wow.

They played:

Dumpweed
Josie
Going away to college
Mutt
All The Small Things
Adams Song
Don't Leave Me
Whats My Age Again
First Date
Rock Show
Stay Together For The Kids
Man Overboard
Easy Target
Feeling This

Then Anthem Pt2 and Dammit as the finale.

Recently

Things have been going so great.
Went to the beach around midnight with Jon Simo, Jon E and the chick that Jon E is trying to get with ( I can never remember her name but shes cool ). I really love hangin with the East Brunswick boys, they just make me so happy haha. Back in May I said prove me wrong and Jon did, I wouldn't have imagined back then that we'd still have as much fun as we used to.

We're going to see Blink this week with Chris and an EB chick but I'm told shes cool so no worries.

Fiesty

Got into an altercation with Jeffrey today at work.. well it was more me blowing up on him and making him run to the managers.

Respect me if we work together, if not then its not going to be pretty.

I didn't get into trouble this time :D
They like me.

you

really are gonna make me go crazy one day.
what a weird person you are.
we're friends why?

My head hurts

I don't want to go to Florida.
Theres too much I want to do at home.
Maybe if it was under different circumstances things would be different but right now its just all a big headache.
Honestly I want something to happen so I have to stay.
A week in Disney may seem fun for some but I don't think so anymore.
I'd rather go to Va Beach which by the way I'm not going to anymore cause of familys birthday.

Why did I agree to Disney?
Btw, they want me to bring 400 dollars.
Funny.
Anyone wanna give me a buck?

Never agreeing to something like this so quick again.

Oh. and they want me to not be scared on the plane cause " we don't want the kids to be scared "
Fuck that. I'm takin my three zanexs and probably cry my eyes out.

Dear father,

Sometimes people can't sleep at ten like you do.
Sometimes they don't get tired until one or two.
Stop trying to force a bedtime on me.
AND please take off that thing you did where my internet shuts down at midnight on weekends so " I can sleep like a normal person "


Va Beach needs to come soon.
That weekend has so much potential.

ON A BRIGHTER SIDE

I love spending everyday with one of my friends.
Keeps me happy and sane.

Now where the fuck are the cute boys in Jesery? Shitt

I won't lie

It hurts.
Not much but it stings.
I definitely sabotaged a whole lot of what could have been which is the reason we were never definite and I'm sorry.
Sometimes I am curious as to what could have happened but its all in the past now.
I don't think it hurts cause I miss you or cause there is any attachment or feeling left but because at one point I wished that I was the one in those pictures or I could have had that formal meeting of your parents we spoke about.

Its all in the past though.
Just had to get it all off my chest.
I'm like a blank piece of paper now.
Feels good.

My mom is right next to me reading things that she swear will make my heart better.
They know nothing.
I want to take it from her hands and rip it in half.


EVERYONE swears they know what I'm going through. Yeah fucking right.


But they want me to enroll into yoga.. that's the only thing I'm down with.

I want

things to get better.


Show me something new.

Drake

So good.

Please

Let my neighbor be okay.

Love Vivi.

5

Water bottles so far today.
Back to the rice and beans routine.
I'm still at 122lbs.

Warped Tour is tomorrow, I'm going with Kiki.
Haha any chance to be in Camden I'm takin it.
Also busy on Sunday so oceanport was out of the question.
There are so many bands I want to go see my insides are doing cartwheels.
I've seen All Time Low about .. 7 times? Yeahhhh. Well at least they put on a good show.
Also really looking forward to seeing Silverstein and Bayside. They were all I ever listened to back in 2005 and still love em.

Saturday morning not sure what I'm doing yet, gonna hang with Steve at Garden State Plaza. We're supposed to go eat and watch a movie I'm pretty sure. Nervous? Yes. Why? Not sure.

I'm ready to goooo.

will SOMEONE explain to me how 3oh3! got popular?
im trying to understand but so far, no luck.

I'm excited for this weekend.. whatever the hell it may bring.

I have a date? Well its a " hang out " but we're going out to eat and movies so I don't know. BUT I'm really excited? Yes yes yes.

Possibly Albany, NY
or Warped Tour.

Depends. Either or are great.

I can't wait to get better, there are so many things I have planned.
Life is going to be wonderful.




Oh and as horrible as this sounds, I still can't wait till you both break up.
I've heard nothing but bad stories about it and you're band needs new material.



I love love love my dog.
Snowball is the best.

i miss

my friend. I haven't seen her in a while.
2007 was a great summer.


I'm getting my tonsils out at 10am tomorrow.
Finally.

Happy Fifth

If it was a few months back maybe things would be different? Maybe I wouldn't have been so hard headed cause lets be truthful, I would come visit right now if I could.

The little things get to me the most.
I want to tell you the truth, its just when I have the chance I just don't.
I mean I have told you bits and pieces but I don't feel that I can just go to you about it, and I know we already had this talk once where you said that you're there but I don't see it.

I just wish you would start inviting me over more often like you used to.

I haven't decided yet on whether I'm going to quit J Crew yet or not.
Management is sloppy and that's being nice, they don't give anyone hours and I feel like an outcast.

A little piece of me wants to put some money in the stock market.

My dad finally said good job to me today.
First time in months.
Felt good.

Maybe things will change now?
I mean there isn't anything that can be held above my head, there isn't anything that he can disapprove of, there isn't anything that I'm not doing that I should be.

I spent 400 dollars today towards school, 3 pay checks.
I'm flat broke.. Maybe I have four bucks if anything.
It was such a great feeling though.

Fridays check goes towards Snowball.
After that is car insurance.

Feels so good.

Its not fair, is not fucking fair.

Why out of people I know who do insane amounts of bad shit do I get the strange shit happening to me.
Doctors tomorrow.

I want a full body scan, I really do. If there's anything else wrong, I want to know NOW. Not wait till I'm about to pass out while eating with my family. Or dizzy while at work or anything, now.

the only thing my god father and I agree on

" The more people I talk to, the more I realize how much I love my dog. "

Things have been weird at home with my parents recently.
Like they're been nicer.
But not like nicer as in them being cool, its more as them realizing that they don't let me have fun or even breathe so they're just trying to make up for it by ordering yummy food [ which I've barely been able to eat ], getting me more undies & socks [ that was great ] and just telling me where to go and they'll take me.

It doesn't matter. You can't buy me anything that will make me seriously happy.

Letting me go, leaving me alone, allowing me to have fun with my friends is what will make me happy.

You guys called me over 12 times today.
Three times when we were talking to Morgan.
Twice once I left the house.
Four times in the car coming home.
Twice just walking down the street.

Come on, just stop it.
You're the parents of a grown girl, now act like it.

Strangers " trying to get to know you " are really just creepy and lame.
We wont be friends, you don't impress me, just leave me be.
Plus I know you're lying when you say that I'm good friends with you friend, we're fucking not.

And thank you mom and dad.
we're not in the 70s in Colombia so stop acting like I'm going to get kidnapped or brought in a life of crime and violence if I go out late.
I don't fucking care if its not lady-like, you admitted that you would hang with your friends till 5am.
thanks for making me turn away Brian and Craig cause you know they're suchhhhh bad kids.
thanks for reminding me that I have no life besides work so why start it now.
thanks for making me feel like shit mom and dad, fucking wonderful

I love how no one invites me or tells me anything anymore cause they know I can't go and can't stay out.
I just love not being informed of anything anymore.

Cant fucking wait until I transfer, I just can't take it.

weird dreams.

listening to the same song at same time.
I swear its ment to be. now stop being a rockstar and be mine haha

whhhhhaaaat

boys are gross.
waking up next to your best friend with as boner = funny.

evan = cool.

I kind of am excited to see you guys break up, your band needs different songs.

This summer its gonna be one pieces for me.

There's a Diane von Furstenberg at Saks Fifth Ave goin for 154.
http://www1.bloomingdales.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=254800&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results
Also a Marc by Marc Jacobs for 129.
http://www1.bloomingdales.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=254800&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results

Weird. Awkward situation.


I don't know what to say little girl.
You caused fights between me and my ex and then with meg and him and now you tell people you liked me more then all the other girls?

Hunny, you're a freshman in high school.
Leave everyone alone.

Not cutting my hair, theres more to do when its longer and really who gives a shit.
No makeup, I don't wanna. If anything, I'll do mascara and liquid eyeliner.


The end.

evevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevevev.

mah

I can't wait.
I can't wait.
I can't wait.

What I want.

Someone buy me a bike for my birthday please.
Pretty pretty please?

There is also a really really nice Michael Kors purse I want.
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7538355/c/195858.html
they sell it in the Michael Kors store in Garden State Plaza but in a smaller version. Its $368 but I would make such good use of it.

Sheryl Crow is also coming out with a clothing label called bootheel trading co and they have a vegan jacket that looks like a leather jacket and ah man, I need it.

Or better yet, take me somewhere.
Somewhere I havent been yet.
A nice town perhaps?

I love

How cooler your friends are then you.
And that they're coming Saturday.

Definitely dissapointed about Sunday though.
Fucking cool.


Anywayyyyy saw Nixon today, he works at Michael Kors in Garden State.
Funny.


Man I'm sorry we didnt seem unappreciative today. Seriously, I know it means alot to you guys and I won't do it again.
I know you're gonna make it.

its not fair

they had to put the cat to sleep.

I wish I had the power to heal.

I really hope the kitten lives.
I hope my ankle stops hurting soon, I'm getting my tonsils out soon, I don't want to have to schedule my ankle right after that, maybe a few years down the road but not now.


The kitten comes first though.

do it

www.myspace.com/yoursisterscanary
www.myspace.com/yoursisterscanary
www.myspace.com/yoursisterscanary
www.myspace.com/yoursisterscanary

evevevevev

I can't get this out of my head, thank you.

youtube

been on it for hours.

had a good thing going with the cure but then close to me came on and when the water was rising in the closet, i panicked.
stupid i know but im terrified of drowing, i can't stick my head under water. just cant. dont expect you can change it, no one can.

next was the smiths.
now the shins.
i want to see how far i can go with bands that start with " the ".
maybe the cars? maybe the mars volta?

whatever this is, its got me in a writing mood.
its been months since i've written anything, i tore up my old stuff.
why? not sure, just did it.

tonights are staying.

Its not why didnt I come earlier in your life, its why don't you realize that shes horrible for you?

Next week we'll get matching temporary tattoos and get some food.



I got the fire you're looking for.

DAD

you're lucky i'm going to vickys.
how DARE you scream at my mother
you ALWAYS do it around your side of the family, what? is it supposed to make you feel strong? well fuck you.
be grateful mom wont let me make you cry cause Lord knows i'm the only one with that power.
mom bends over backwards for us and THATS how you treat her?
and whats worse is she only wanted to go visit grandma and you called her stupid and kept yelling.

grandma didnt raise you like that. fuck you. I hate seeing mom cry.

I like pale lips.

BonneBell Lip Lites- Cappuccino


FUCK BOYS, I WANT MORE FRIENDS.





My updates are usually about different things. I like it that way.

" When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. " Alexander Graham Bell.

Let go :)
Its the start of summer and so many things are looking up.

I was really hoping I forgot my password for a second.

You should like Owl City.
I feel like you secretly are now going to listen to it but won't tell a soul cause you don't want people to see.

Can't read you.
I don't like that.

I might make this private soon.

Oh and as for you mister,
I knew it was going to happen.
We're better off as friends if anything.
I.m. me already so I can say it.

heart

the closer summer gets, the better it is.
I can finally breathe.

Yesterday was different though.

It was perfect, I felt great. Not all day though, just morning till afternoon. I think it was the half an hour spent at mt. mitchell. Swings and all, it was relaxing and calmed me down. First trip to Panera, overall good. Mean lady took my mango smoothie but whatever, the lady made me a better one.

Afterwards was in New York.. two words. Max Berner. Yummmm

Someone

Buy me a bike pleasee.

Today really was everything I wanted.
Plus a few cuts and bruises haha

Today

will be wonderful.

Theres so much planned.. its not like fun buut its things that are gonna be lifted off my shoulders. Very sweet.

Maybe I should update this thing on whats been going on not like going out, got a cold, the usual stuff but more of old stuff reoccuring..

My heart has been weird lately. Not just that but its complicated. Like my palms start to get sweaty [ right now they're like waterfountins.. cute right? ] then all of a sudden I feel short of breath.. I mean I'm not unable to breathe it just feels that way then my heart starts to beat funny and I call my dad immediately. Not like he can do anything but I always call him. Its kinda funny though cause I refuse to let anyone else know whats going on, even if I'm with them. I just pull out my phone and start talking spanish when instead I'm feaking out on the phone. I want to know whats wrong. I want to know why I can't feel my tounge sometimes. Why do my lips go numb? I don't want to go to the doctor or hospital cause what if they say its all in my mind?

I'm hoping its just all the medicine I've been taking these past few days.

happy sick little girl

we should know by friday on when i get my tonsils taken out.
the doctors told my parents that after a week i should be good enough to go out and hang and be normal again. no alcohol or drugs though DUH. ya don't gotta worry about me doc haha.

my throat kills but im getting my sweet ol codine back in about half an hour. anti biotics also.

so thats the sick part.

I'm a happy little girl cause i was proven wrong. Your friends still like me and everything is gonna be normal and I'm really excited about that. Seriously, everyone is the same unless they do something to prove me wrong and boy, you did it.

See you on the 22nd.

Think in fragments
jfoisniofvnodsa

One

thing.
It only really matters if I understand it I guess cause I don't really expect anyone else to read this cause I mean I'm just me. But secretly I wish some that I wrote about see it, I know they don't though. Its too " emo ". Bah. Your a piece of shit sometimes. Really, you are.


People don't like you.
Thats putting it nicely, its pretty bad.
You've burned so many bridges its a shocker you're not drowning somewhere.
You come home soon, who will be there?
I refuse to think that far into the future when it comes to you, we'll just see.
Maybe you'll catch me on a day I'm not doing anything.

I wish I had a tape recorder or just a notebook or something with me wherever I go, I want to hear what I've or others have said years from now.

Either going-to-graduate-highschool-by-the-time-shes-20 Stephanie or prissy-prude Lindsey keeps calling me and Brian. Usually they catch me when I'm in a good mood but twice they called at bad times. What the heck man, how long ago did we brake up? Two years right? Why do you still care? In fact, WHY AM I STILL BROUGHT UP IN PEOPLES DAILY CONVERSATIONS? Shit, I even found my name being dropped on peoples wall to wall today. Shitttt.

Sasquatch is next week. Breaks my heart

Give it one more try

I can't stop watching Blink videos, its like remember the good old days and puts the biggest smile on my face. Mark Hoppus = Mah first ever man.

Hopefully they'll be in Jersey so everyone can go. Jon and I were talking about it last night and I'm glad, he said that his day was shitty until he saw my status with the blink song and that was the first thing that made him smile all day. I like that. I really do like hearing that I had something to do with brightening up someones day.

I'm thinking of giving someone another opportunity. Its like kinda a last sort of deal. Either things are completely different and I gotta see it from the get go or forget about me. I mean I may still go to the shows but don't expect me to even look in your direction. I'm totally fine with it, its not like I have anything invested at the moment. I don't plan on it either.

Stephen is coming over later and we're watching curb your enthusiam? I can't spell that. Whatever. I missed my best friends. And I missed Blink.

This summer is gonna be a good one.
Think in fragments.




I'll be your Josie.

The Sickness

So I guess by now you can tell I get sick a whole lot.. I am again. Tonsils man, those things are my kryptonite. My biggest weakness, the one thing that will keep me stuck in bed. I can't wait to get them out later this month.

My computer has been acting up as well. Tomorrow my dad is taking it apart completely and cleaning it all out, thank you daddy for being a computer wiz.

Boys hate me now. I'm sorry, genuinely I am. I'm sorry for how I acted but I wouldnt change it because then things just wouldnt be fair for me.

I'm happy the semester is over, I miss my best friends, I miss the roadtrips, I miss the sleepovers and the fact that no matter what, we're always there for each other<3

Stephen came home earlier this week, Breona is done next week and Steven is home on Tuesday.

I miss being in soc. No, scratch that, I miss the people that were in it, the chill sesh after it, the walk to the car, the fact that Ryan always came in and created a scene, hanging out with Jon and all his friends, ugh. They'll never know though, I won't say a word.

we

have our last class today.
im nervous. kinda scared that after this we wont talk anymore and that would just bum me out a whole lot. but hey, so far you've surprised me a lot so we'll see. see you at eleven.

A loud hot cup of coffee

I can't stop hiccuping and I like taller boys.
Taller boys with cute faces.

Anyway Bamboozle was this past weekend.
Worth the money. Without a Doubt.

Best performances go to: New Found Glory, Fall Out Boy, LMFAO, Billy Talent, The Used, Sum 41.

Close Second: Taking Back Sunday, Fall Out Boy, Rise Against, The Get Up Kids, Silverstein, Bayside.

Hypercrush messed up a few times, definitely did better at The Barbury in Philly.
A few others kept messing up or just couldn't hear much.

I lie when I say I'm happy we're just friends. Its whatever though, I refuse to let you see it. Tomorrow I'll smile and act like everything is fine when I secretly want to punch you in the face. Its weird though, as much as I hate it, I know that this is whats best. We're better off as friends. No arguments, hanging out every other day, still get to hang with the guys, its nice.

Someone else wants in the picture. I don't know yet though, our history was never the greatest. Maybe you'll get the benefit of the doubt. You know everything that happened and how I felt back then, let's see how you feel when I tell you about bud up there. ^^^

TO EVERYONE

Who I said " Its okay " to in the past few days..


ITS NOT A OKAY ALRIGHT?
THANKS.

I want beach

I want beach.
I want beach.
I want beach.

Possibly going with Jon and Chris.
Who cares if people are busy except for us, I mean I have so much fun with your friends but still can't let little things stop ya boy!

I'm | | close to stealing the car and going down to Rowan if they can't go.
Gotta see mah cripple bestie!


im watching a rangers game instead.
thumbs down.

If I don't see Joel McHale

When he comes to Jersey, I might throw up.

I NEED to see this man.
There's very few comedians I would love to see and he is in the top 2.

I love

How everything came out so perfectly today without even trying.

Beach with Jon x2 and Dan then back to Jons and everyone just hung out.
Mike, Jonx2, Dan, Dave and their mom.
Nice weather, nice people, now off to the Cheesecake factory.

Oh and how is it possible I'm not sick of this kid yet?
Pretty rad. I don't see it happening either so that's good.

nothing too

important. Just a few things here and there to say.

1. Car crashes.
I need one.. not a severe one. Maybe like a fender bender or something. Maybe like the few I've gotten into when I was younger.. As sick as it sounds, I like the feeling. Maybe I just really need a good game of bumper cars.

2. I have no clue what the fuck I want.
Take it as you want to.

3. Tinga.
I need you bitch. Get. In. My. Belly.

I quit

Lord and Taylor, it drove me crazy.
Gonna see if they'll hire me in Vintage Vinyl.
If not, the manager in Tinga keeps offering me a job when I go so we'll see what happens.


I'm a happy little girl.

Favorite.

I don't regret anything in our friendship. Any of the drama it brought, fights and break ups its caused cause we're still strong and I'll make you your mix asap and we can meet halfway and listen to it.

s: come over, ill sing every song to you =)
s: i always surprise you with good out of nowhere
s: i would definitely gaze into your eyes and sing i kissed your throat everytime they said it wouldnt last

n02007314 : im gonna go to bed
n02007314 : but
n02007314 : your the best
s: you are
s: never forget

<3
You'll always be my favorite E.

I don't know why or how the people that are in my life are still there but I love them nonetheless. Esp one kid, he always tells me he loves me right after I tell him hes one of my best friends and I love him. Its pretty fantastic. All my friends have a special place in my heart. I'm a happy little girl.

I say this at least a few times a month

I need to feel better asap.
This whole being sick thing is just not fair.
Plus a bump on the back of my neck? my tonsils&glands are super swollen.
just grrrrreat!




But somethings really are great.
I love it when friends stick up for you :)

What a good group of guys.
Seriously, A+ dudes.
I still want to call Shane sweet and sour but hey, I'll try not to.
Seeing them in 11 days at the Pi show.

Rowan on Friday with Breona, I'm excited.



I think my mom and I ran into a zombie today? Not sure.
Ah! but I finally found someone that loves all that scary movie/ gross zombie shit too! Steffen aka Steffan. Cool shit.

I'm a happy

little girl.

:)

Seriously stop.

You became the biggest pussy I've ever met.
No chance mister, your not my type anymore.
Guido shit? Wtf dude, what happened to the kid who would sing story of the year at the top of his lungs with me? I guess he disappeared last winter break.

Peace.


And please don't think of this as me being sad about it, I stopped caring a looong time ago. Its just because I know you'll see this and I don't really want you to reply, there's no discussion on this.

Leaving

Boston. The World.
Follow me at www.twitter.com/n02007314


:D

Thank you

for the surprise visit, it got me really happy and excited.



And wanna hear something kinda.. strange I guess?
It all started with you. This whole liking this band/artist/whatever you wanna call it.. this fascination we have going on started with you. You sent me a song by him that you thought you would make me think and it actually did, I don't think you ever realized how I much I do value your opinion and/or thoughts but I took that songs and couldn't stop listening and just thought about it. Now Breona and I are going to see him Monday and although he's not doing his songs, we're still really excited. A few of his songs are on my mixed cds and they're probably my favorite to just sing along with and blast.

Thank you.
Your a pretty kick ass person, A in my book.

Packing

things up is getting pretty easy, deciding what to wear on what day is going to be the hard problem.

Leaving for Boston in a few days with Breona, Stephen and Steven. No clue how we're fitting our stuff in there, car is gonna be pretty packed but I cleaned it earlier so we have some room to stretch.

The boys are only going to be with us for Boston unless they feel like coming to Philly or the many shows.

Paul Baribeau is Monday, I got the address and everything. Parking at Crow and heading to it, I can't wait.

Gabriel the Marine.
The Title/ A love like Pi on Saturday.
Less Than Jake as well.
Rock and Roll party.


I love my best friends, and can't wait to road trip with them :)

Second

Chill sesh - Friday morning before work in Westfield. I gotta get some last minute things. My stomach is in knots arggg haha.

Fuck

Since Florida is a failure I plan on seeing whatever else is possible but I'm opening it up farther now. I want the city for a night, I want the country for a night, I want to shop. Shop until I'm angry I got so much I return half of it. I want Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, New York, more of Jersey, Maryland, ANYWHERE. I just want to be.

I also don't plan on going online until I get back.
If I have to see " fiojhrioshgif IN FLORIDA ", I may hit someone.

A quick overview

I really like the bands he showed me.
A whole lot.
If I could have gone over last night to watch movies I would, it sounded so good and I just wanted to chill again.
Can't wait to go out to eat again.
Oh! And the shoe is sold out, sorry. I checked already.
Too old.

Hockey bores me. Please no more fights, I already said " If you get hurt, I might get a little sad ".. DON'T expect that, I didn't even see it coming. I love the funny/ stupid texts, the silly smiles at your job. I may even get bummed if you quit, so please don't. Our attempts to hang outside of the mall have resulted in a failure and I'm sorry about last time, I really did want to come and visit but I was running late and I was really looking forward to the show. :/
Too old.



Or am I just seeing things weirdly? I don't know, I've always been a fan of the same age but there have been a few that have slipped past and I'm making exceptions? I'm not liking this.

I miss my old friend.
I hate the fact that due to a stupid mistake of getting together and dating that we lost a 4 year friendship. I hate the fact that I saw your mom at the mall today and she didn't even recognize me, that was probably the worst part. I miss her and I miss your bird and dog and the old days and the millions of sleepovers at mikes and the petersens and all that.
I hate that all this happened and your a wreck.

" I couldn't stand to see him, he couldn't even look at anyone in the eyes "


Whenever I hear Bubbly by Colbie Caillat I just get angry cause I actually cared.. I don't usually let myself care but I opened myself up and you told all our friends about us.. I hate that you did that. I hate that we dated. It was all a mistake, I would rather have kept my friend then a stupid boyfriend. I hate that seeing your mom made me think of all this.

____



I need more sushi time with Kevin.

Spring Break

Get here already.
Oh you too check from the government.

I'll be in " Maryland " with Breona and then * crosses fingers * Florida.

Oh and my neck is looking more and more like it has hickeys on it when in fact its the fact that i cant stop scratching. ughh. fucking dry skin.

: )

Thank you for taking me out for sushi today, it was my first time and I liked it a whole lot. I still don't know if I'm down for whatever else it was you want to take me to, I'm not a big fan of sloppy eating but we'll see. Thank you for being patient with me taking forever to eat and ordering three times so I wouldn't feel alone. I want to hang out again and watch some of those movies we talked about.

I'll try to get over the ciggs and the whole " I don't like dogs " statement.
Maybe you'll like Snowball and change your mind? We come as a two for one deal.

So frustrated

So damn frustrated.
Fuck you for taking things wrong and ruining what could have been a fun break TWICE. Fuck that. I'm so angry, I just want to figure out WHAT THE FUCK is going to happen. I swear, I'm tryin to make the best out of it but come the FUCK on, I already had everything planned. Blood is fucking boilinggg.

And as tiny as this thing is, it pisses me off a whole lot. Tomorrow should be going down to see a friend but instead I'm just going straight to the show. Possibly alone. Again. To the same place that made going to shows by myself hell. The place where I stood outside crying because I didn't know where my stuff was, I had no gas and my phone was dying. Fabuloussssss. Why am I not going to see a friend you may ask? Well because this person insists that I go see his friend whos just not for me. Its not that I hate him, I just don't like his personality and I don't like the fact that my friend pretty much just wants me to hit on and " boost his ego " FUCK THAT. There were two girls that wanted him last time I was there so why the fuck do I have to do it? I went through that whole talking-to-his-friend thing at Kean but at least I cared about him, this kid.. Ugh. Its just annoying how he won't see me and it just be us, it HAS to be with noname. I just want to be with my friend, I'm tired of being stuck with people that I don't like, when its time for fun I should be able to choose who I hang with.

I'm really nervous about tomorrow, like legit nervous. It was a shady area, with creepy people and I just don't know what to do. All I'm positive about is that I'm still going.



Oh. and I HATE when you complain about others and how none of your friends want to hang out or no one ever picks up and all that yet I ALWAYS do. No matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, doesn't even matter what time, you sometimes call at like random times like 5am and I STILL pick up. I hold you close to my heart bud and I don't like feeling like you hold others there. Fucking CAN'T STAND THAT. I probably won't tell you for a while.


So if I'm usually only emotional when I'm on the rag, then why can't I stop crying?

Thanks Bleeding Vagina and Cramps

So its eleven thirty, I'm listening to some band that just added me and all the while I should be laying down considering I just threw up for what, third time today? * thinking* Yes, its definitely the third. There's just a few things I want to say, excuse me if I don't make any sense, I don't like to re-read what I write and I just took two more pills of Pamprin considering I threw up the last two Pamprin pills.

First of all, as much as I bitch and complain about my parents, I do love them and they do try their best. Sometimes it sucks a whole lot and they pull some bullshit but sometimes they try to make me feel better. Example: All day today.
I thought I would be fine, no cramps, no nothing but no. First class was fine, a breeze in fact. I called my parents and told them that after my first class my stomach started hurting a little, they said if it gets too bad, just come home. Well let's just say I don't usually do whats best for me. I stayed in class, started tearing up and crying cause of the pain and cried all over my doodles:/. The two cutie pies on the other side looked over at me and I just covered my face and cried. I'm gonna email the professor in a little to tell him that I'm fine, its just I get terrible cramps. Well I get home and immediately, my mom has everything ready and I drink my tea, take my medicine and BARF. She just goes to clean the bathroom and warms me up more tea. I'm very happy the bathroom is clean now :) My dad rushes home to see me and he just looks at me and I could just see the sadness in his eyes. They just check on me and make me oatmeal and every other second ask me if I need anything and I just kept crying and puked again.

So far today: threw up three times, passed out once, cried all day and took 6 pills.
I better be all better by tomorrow.

Off to my second post!

His Voice

It just attracts me.

I've forgotten about some things

- dream.
- best friend weekend.
- work chaos.
- Florida in 20 days.


I have to remember to write about these. I've got a good entry for each but haven't been in the mood to write about them.

I miss this

Bring back the older days boys!!

I wish

I could say how repulsive you are to me.
You are poor white trash.
Your the most disgusting thing, you think hunting and killing innocent animals is just the best. What a fucking pig.
I like the fact that I stopped talking to you after I found all this out.
You scare me by the way, your disgusting tattoos.
I don't even talk to you anymore but I'm embarrassed I ever did.

Oh and Banks,

I know you'll never read this but thanks for not playing that song when Breona and I visited. I know you like that song a whole lot and it means so much that you wouldn't play it because I would get upset.

Thank you.



P.S. Vagina still don't like you.

My nervous heart plays pits ocado

How I wish I had the guts to tell you how insanely attracted I am.
OH Well! Not happening :D

So there are a few things

these past three days that have just.. I don't know.. just have made me feel good.
Really good, I mean someone else might not feel that way with it but I means a whole lot to me.

1. The dog incident
Probably two to three nights ago I closed and was just walking to the car when I see a cute dog in someones car. Eddie actually pointed it out to me, my bad. But anyway I just walked past it like aw how cute but at one point I just turned around and was like wait.. this isn't right. So i stayed probably a few five to ten minutes and went back to the store but couldn't find the owner of the car or dog. It was about ten at night at this time so Pete told me its definitely someone that works at Lord and Taylor and told me to find mall security. So I walked a good amount and finally found them and we went back to the car. Still no show from the owner. Wait another good five to ten minutes, still no show. I left around ten fifteen and by this time, there were about three patrolling security officers and the one who was with me from the beginning. I had to go home but I gave them my number in case the person never showed and they told me that if the owner didn't pass by at ten thirty that the police would be called to issue a fine up to 500 dollars for animal neglect and cruelty [ they told me leaving a dog int he car for such a long time without any food and water is the same as leaving a child in a car without any food and water AND the first security guy said that he had seen the car there for a good amount of time that night ]. I didn't get a call but I did work the next day I so made sure to look for any of the security guards I saw that night, bingo. Found a lady and she told me that the owner was in fact someone from Lord and Taylor and they did get a fine of 250 but because they had never had a record of anything and also the fact that the dog was really happy and excited to see her, they couldn't give a really big amount. I didn't get the name of who it was but I'm glad that they did get punished. No one should leave a dog in their car while they're working. Whoever it was left their dog there for their ENTIRE shift. So 3+ hours. Whatabitch.

2. Following the Valentines Day Hearts
Today after class I took a drive to CVS to see if I could buy a new magazine for a notebook cover but no such luck so on my drive home I saw a heart with an arrow and realized it was someone planning a valentines day surprise for someone else. Obviously not me but I still wanted to check it out so I actually followed the hearts for a good while but it lead down rt.1 so I decided not to but wow. Took a few twists and turns and even a U turn but I hope that for whoever it was intended to, I hope that they found the right way and enjoyed it. Rarely do I get this excited for people but I couldn't stop smiling as I was following it. I mean, someone cared enough for someone else to put this all together. :D

Boy

Your old band sucks.
Well actually no, your vocals just suck.
But your cool so it somewhat makes up for it.



I feel like this isn't personal anymore.. Making a new one.
This one will be for sometimes.

Its Valentines Day

and one of my best friends is my Valentine.
I got a bag of Jax.
Lat years was better though, even snowball got something. I still have the drawing on my wall behind my computer and a bunch of stuff. I guess I just hold onto good memories, maybe its just me. Kinda wish this Valentines Day actually meant something.

I hate hockey tournaments.

Tomorrow is work and maybe going to Kean? I hope so, kid's one of a kind.

oh wowwwww

Theres a million things running through my head and I absolutely LOVE it.
Its always been a good feeling to have it be like that, not sure why.

Went to L&T to go see Ramsha cause I don't know whats going on if shes going to be there or not anymore and I'm gonna miss her :/. People were making it a joke though and I just didn't like it one bit, what if the roles were reversed? How would they like it if they knew they were going to be fired and everyone was teasing them? Not cool.
Well went to go visit Dave right afterward and I couldn't stop smiling. The people over there are always so nice to me and we've caught them watching us haha. He's in Long Island at a hockey tournament but next week we have plans. Oh and boy has the cutest butt :D

Dad took forever finding his wallet so that sucked but the show was actually 21+ so there was no big. It sucked in a way just cause I was pumped but at the same time, just being able to stay out all night with friends totally makes up for it. We had some yummy veggie burgers, video chatted, chilled with Tom, and then went to Crow. Oh Crow.

I really forgot how much I missed those boys, they really make me feel safe. Like it doesn't matter what time, what day, if something is going on, there's always someone that's down for making Bre and I feel at home. We had a nice jam session in Banks room with some chick that makes out with everyone, Petersen, Banks, Bre and myself. I dont think there was an awkward moment, it was all pretty funny. We rocked out to some Good Charlotte and Something Corporate circa sixth and seventh grade and then went downstairs. What started as a conversation with Petersen, Emker, Tim and some other kid wound up being almost dying laughing thanks to Billy stumbling out of the house and somehow making it to the deli and back within a minute with two bags of beef jerky. He also was dancing. Like seriously dancing. I mean he scares me a bit cause hes really friendly but I know he would never try anything, just like dance on people. I dont think anything I say will actually do justice to last night. I'll post pictures later.

Third

in one day. Man I'm on a fucking roll..

Whenever I see something about my " brother " I just get so angry, he doesn't deserve what he has now, it's all thanks to us. What an ungrateful, disgusting man. No, I take it back, BOY. A man wouldn't do what he's done.


There are also a few other things I would like to say.

First of all, thank you white car last Sunday for being a speed demon with me all the way from Rowan to exit 8, you made the drive interesting and helped me out by pushing cars out of my way. I wish I knew you, just by your driving, your my type of person to be friends with :D

Also whoever was on the road Monday while on my way to work, cut that shit. I almost got into a fucking million accidents cause everyone was driving like me haha. I mean alright, the white car from above was just helpin me out, everyone from Monday was just being insane. Alright, I at least SLOW down at stop signs, I mean I don't really stop but I won't speed. And red lights, I only speed on yellow. Please no more running red lights when you see me coming.

Thank you and goodnight <3
The rest of the week will surely be interesting.

oh

a love like pi.
oh fucking my.

<33

Forced Christianity

So I do recognize myself as a good Christian girl, no matter what I do find the time to pray, no matter where I am, what I'm doing, I do see it important to do so.
I have my daily chat with God and tell him how I'm doing and either am thanking him for something I learned or asking him if I could possibly have something that I've been needing or wanting and he's helped me out a whole lot. I do the sign of the cross whenever I'm going out and yeah I have been caught but hey it doesn't really matter, its like my thing but I mean my parents, esp my mom acts like if I'm in a religious drought. I just had a sit down bible reading with them and everything was directed like " Oh, when your this, read that, and did you know this? " and I'm just like yeah. I know that. And I know that verse. And I understand what its saying. The whole time I'm just like wishing I could explain how they just don't understand. I'm not up for publicizing OH I LOVE JESUS AND HES MY LOVER. I mean, yeah he is haha he does more for me then my actual boyfriends EVER have. I'm pretty sure I've been in more near car accidents or just random shit that has happened where there was a huge possibility of being hurt but somehow I can out of it all unscathed. I won't criticize if someone is like that but I feel like my relationship with him is more personal and that is what feels better for me.
They are also trying to find a church closer so I can go to but I've already been to the one that they pretty much chose and I've already told them I just don't like it. Its a pretty popular one, is on TV and is like HUGE with screens everywhere and its own radio station or something and that's just not for me. Like I've said before, I like my relationship with Jesus and God to be more personal, we've been conned by a church when I was younger and just WILL NOT let that happen again. Oh and my dad tries to make it sound better by saying that the kids meet up and play music all night Friday-Sunday from 10 to 2am. I just walked away but I just wish i would have had the guts to just say what was on my mind. Personally, I don't do well with kids I meet from other churches just because of what happened in Plainfield and I'm okay with it, I don't need friends that would make me feel like I have to publicize my Christianity. Even if they wouldn't, what hurts is that I feel like the only way that I could go out until two is if I did that and I don't like that. It really pisses me off.
My dad cut bible session short and I felt ten times better.
Mom got mad though.
I felt relieved.

"And all the while

the road was her playground.
Her safety, her place she could go just to relax.
That day she felt free. "


Rowan was nice and the drive was just so good.
I needed that, I didn't even get lost.. well.. THAT bad haha.
Stephen seemed happy, it was really good to see that. His roomie, I think his name was Jon? John? Jhon? I don't fucking know but whatever it was, he was nice. I really thought he was going to be a hermit but nah, he was talkative and tried to convince me not to chill in Camden but hey.. you can't really have me so close to there and be like oh no, don't go. Its kinda like giving a child a toxic small toy that looks yummy and being like OH DONT EAT IT. yeah right, next time i'm driving Stephen and I through Camden and we'll chill hard with my homie the black polock.



The boys that I met on the team were funny, nice, and didn't joke around about the mentally retarded. We tried to get this boy Jake to talk to these two girls but instead he wound up just staring and Stephen went to go talk to them. I couldn't stop laughing when he came back and was like " Oh, they pointed at you cause you wouldn't stop staring at them " lmfao.

I kinda wish i stayed the night.
Oh well, next time :)

geiwovnfdjnzbvgf

I couldn't get it all out with one post.



I miss my besties.
Might go visit Stephen at Rowan tomorrow.
Might sleepover.
Might hang with Breona.
Wish it was older times.

I don't take change very well.. or separation.
Florida might kill me.


Dave is too nice, I don't want him to get hurt.
I'm too much of a bitch and don't care about boys like that.
I need attention, I need someone to be there and since we've never been able to see each other out of work, I'm caring less.
I mean he's sweet and always reminds me to make a wish but no.
When I go to work tomorrow I might just go see him so who knows.
That face might make me change my mind, he has such a sweet smile, its rare, its genuine.


Rowan tomorrow possibly.
I need to just vent.
Writing doesn't always fix things. Plus I can't really write down everything I think, its too embarrassing.
Snowball knows everything though, she doesn't care. She loves me no matter what.


Phone call from Chicago.
Come back to Jersey and let's hang and just be fun again please.
I'll make the empanadass :)

haha

I'm sorry Mike, you were more of a brother then Andy EVER was.
Whenever I was bummed, he didn't give a SHIT, but you were there always saying oh don't worry sis, everything will be better and i believed it. It did make me feel better, thank you.
You were EVERYTHING he wasn't.
I mean that asshole even didn't want us to hang, he didn't want us to be friends, he didn't want me to even know you.
How fucking rude.
HE WANTS TO LEGALLY CHANGE HIS LAST NAME SO HE WON'T BE A CHAVARRIA ANYMORE.
How can you tell me to try to love him and be a good sister?
Fuck that, I'm an only child. I don't consider him family.
He can go back to Colombia, we don't want him here. I know I don't.


I'm better off as the only child.
We're convinced he would hit Snowball, that's why she would flip when he was around and can't even hear his name without shaking.
If I EVER have any evidence of that, I WILL take him to court and will try to get his ass in jail.

I DON'T HAVE A BROTHER.

Leave Phelps alone

Seriously.
Hes only acting like a normal 23 year old, get off his dick.
He was at a fucking college party doing what everyone else was doing.
What the fuck.
Just cause hes an Olympian doesn't mean hes fucking Jesus. He curses, shits, drinks and smokes like like other people his age. Damn.

i might just have to beat his ass
how are we going to survive this?
oh my.

i need a valentine.

they

put me as the only person to close these nights..
that's the way i like it.

not to sound greedy but its great being the only one making money.

ahem

working with people who want you out is the worst.
i miss everyone that used to work at Lord and Taylor, its horrible how they plant things on people or come up with bullshit excuses just to fire someone.
for people who are old as bats, I'm shocked they can act as immature as a high schooler.

AND FINALLY I AM BETTER.

Paramus Friday.
Nixon shall pay. hahaha
nah i don't really care, Dave is still in the picture so Nixon never really had a chance. bahaha


Dave is in there..surprisingly
I cant wait to bake and do everything we planned.

MAKE IT STOP ALREADY DAMNIT

my immune system needs to pick up its shit and start working already.

I WAS HEALTHY FOR ABOUT TWO FUCKING WEEKS THIS MONTH.

- throat closing [ why? they don't fucking know ]
- stomach virus
- badass cold & throat went back to being mildly fucked up

Its weird cause the only times I was actually okay was the week that i went to see Dave and the week that the S.S boys came to visit and then I got sick again.



please please pleaseee let me feel better.
every damn winter I get crazy sick.
every winter without fail.
i'm going crazy just let me feel better.

I'm sorry that my concern and actual caring turned into such a feeling of disgust but how could you let yourself turn into something so ugly?










And yes, I do feel uncomfortable so Rachel I want you to stay in the room.
47 Days until Florida.

haha you suck

i'm excited

on this weekend.
on how school is going
on how the boys boy is going.

things are going so well, it can't stop now.
i mean, yeah its not like PERFECT so it can't come crashing down
so I'm pumped.
just don't want it to get to be perfect cause then.. you know.

feelin good

I now know what I want.
Its all working out for the best.
Come spring next year, I'll be in USF.





and for the other thing, I've made up my mind :D
I'm all smiles.
There's just one.

take that back

Buddy, I'm glad to have you as a friend again.

Although I already heard some shit for being your friend again but duh its from someone who never really liked that we were together from the get go its okay. I love that I can call you up and you still pick up and listen to me rant and rave and its all good to talk about guys and I'm fine with you talking about girls. I'm sincerely happy for you and oddly enough, I knew we would get back to being friends again. We meet up, have a snack, go to the mall, its just like old times but this time, there's no fighting, just a good feeling.

Brian Christopher Wu, I'm happy we're back to the old ways before everything happened.

I don't really care about what's going on now.
There used to be so much to write about, its just not there anymore.



I really want to go see Matt and Kim tomorrow but no one feels like going to Brooklyn.
Fuck.


www.myspace.com/selectstart
www.myspace.com/gabrielthemarine
www.myspace.com/mattandkim
www.myspace.com/paulbaribeau

Such a mix

of emotions right now.
Parents were lame as hell tonight,
said that I'm not doing anything with my life and that my friends are using me.
Enough of that, it makes me angry as hell.

but to one of my best.
I just wish you could realize how AMAZING you are, I couldn't ask for a better person as a friend. You apologized recently because you thought that you were being selfish but the fact that today when I needed you, you were there just PROVES that your not. You even called back hours later just to make sure I was feeling okay AND you text me. Your just incredible and I'm so happy to have you as one of my best friends.



Oh and boy, your just too much.
Its great though. Had my eye on you for a while and I'm so happy its starting to work out.
Grilled cheese sandwiches, cupcakes, ice skating. Can't wait!

Happy Birthday

You would have been 30 today.
I'm so sorry.
RIP Aaliyah Dana Haughton
January 16, 1979 – August 25, 2001

I remember listening to you when I was younger and this song still gives me goosebumps.

#!$!!%$*&^%$^#

Okay Fuck all this shit.

I go by myself all the god damn fucking time and don't complain.
I'll be honest though, I don't like going by myself when it's either far or I don't know the area and since weird shit has been going on, I'm freaked out for tomorrow.
Do I EVER make people go with me? No. Do I BEG? no. Has shit happened when I've gone by myself? YES.

Last time I went by myself it was the worse experience ever and I was crying at some random fucking gas station and Jonathan had to come to give me gas and make me feel better and stop freaking out.

Am I going to tell this to anyone? Probably not cause I don't want pity, I don't want anyone to feel like they HAVE to but god fucking damnit do I just want to scream in peoples faces

FUCK YOUUUUU.

Oh and to you sweety, IF SOMEONE DIES, YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY OH ITS BETTER THAT YOU KILLED YOURSELF THEN DRIFT AWAY or some shit. YOUR A FUCKING CHILD WHO DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS YET. you have your tattoos and your gothic shit but oh my fucking god your going through your phases like everyone. Sorry you think that lifes to fucking tragic that everyone should kill themselves, take some antidepressants and cheer the FUCK up.



YOU FUCKING CUNTS.

besides that, today was pretty much perfect.
way for a happy fucking ending.

You've made a

Lasting Impressions - The Starting Line

Your not worth my time writing about :D

Death Cab for Cutie
"Passenger Seat"

I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

"do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.

When you feel embarrassed then i'll be your pride
When you need directions then i'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.


______

Lets hang.

Just a few things

Maybe I'm just not a modern day girl? Maybe there's just something wrong but I don't see kissing girls as something you do casually. Showing affection to your best friends is one thing but to get wasted every weekend and make out? That's just not classy. Grow the fuck up you fat cows.

_______

Your cute and it grosses me out.
Past is the past is the past is the past.

_______


Nervous about Friday?
What an oddball. I don't get nervous and after going to the H&M boys, I was pretty sure I would have been over it all but I still get butterflies? Haha I'm thinking of just not showing up at all.. whoops :D

______

Im Vivian and I think in fragments.

seriously girls,

Can you please stop being paranoid and making your boys delete their myspaces?
ITS THE INTERNET
They aren't cheating.

Also, want to give me back my friends?
Like so we can actually hang? Thanks.




Sincerely,
Vivian



UGHHHHH bff sleepovers aren't gonna happen. Bitchhhh

I can't handle cruelty.
I can't look at the pictures, I can't listen to the stories.
Class sucked.

At least he said sorry for making me cry. Professor felt bad too, whatever.




www.myspace.com/mattandkim

Need some more V necks, lets shop.

Two times in a day

I guess I'm on a roll?

Welll last time, i spoke about money and even the time before then i was stressed out about paying for school but my daddy just called, he's paying for half :D
I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.



Oh and I bought my Jax.
Today has just become amazing.




www.myspace.com/thetitlenj
www.myspace.com/gabrielthemarine

Oh and this summer.. camping again.
Best times with Best friends.

Rant: Sick.School.Money

Alright so let me just start off by saying if I don't have your number, my first instinct is to be rude cause maybe I don't have your number on purpose, maybe I didn't save it cause I dont want to talk to you? Just a possibility..


I'm sick. Been sick since the winter session started and still goin strong with it. oh and I forgot to mention although it may be apparent, I get really bitchy when I'm sick. Eat a whole lot too so if you love me, bring me some Jax? Thanksss. Why did I take a winter course? Two infact. Maybe it was a mistake, we'll know by the end of the semester, if I got anything less then a B, it was a waste. If not, then hell I should have taken one last year. All I know is that I refuse to take any more of those unless I'm in warmer weather cause Lord knows if I even take a few steps outside in the cold, I immediately get sick. I want to go tanning. Yumm tanning. Dont want to go in it and get gross germs everywhere so that's out of the question. Maybe pathmark and get me some Jax. Maybe go and see which classes I can take in the spring/fall that will transfer over to WPU & USF. But hey, that would mean going out into the cold so thats a no.. well.. for the time being.

I love my two classes, I really do and honestly, I never felt bad about missing classes more then I do right now. Every class missed is a step taken back because we learn so much in just one class and although I keep hearing people, ESP for eng 122 saying that we arent learning anything.. YES WE DO ASSHOLES GIVE HIM MORE CREDIT. we learn how to become better writers, how to catch simple mistakes and fix them. maybe if you weren't too busy complaining you would learn a little. bitches. As horrible as it sounds, the only time i'm going to be writing in with correct grammer is when it's for a grade or a job so here, don't expect it. Speech is so much fun, I wish i had taken it sooner. Professor Insolera doesn't do lectures which is perfect for me cause I fall asleep listening to them. He lets us be the teachers and I love that. Maybe all speech classes are like that? I dont know but I like it.

I need to feel better, I need to feel like me again. I love the feeling when your all better and feel great and you can't even remember what feeling sick was like.

OH OH OH OH! Money issues, I figured it out.. Well in a way. My mother owes me a good amount and paycheck is tomororw so what i'm doing is that i'm going to re-register for two classes and start off with a payment plan. that means that i would only have to put up 372 up front which i will have. right before classes start i should have another paycheck which will be way better and i'll sign up for 2 MORE classes and put in another payment. That should give me four classes right there and my money situation should be all set. Thank you mommy for forgetting to pay me for a week, now I'm good :D

springtime, please get your ass over here already.
kay thanks.

I swear

I won't give up.
just something in my gut tells me not to let go.
I get nervous, anxious, don't know what to say and stumble on my words

but its kind of refreshing.






I put way too much on my plate.

fast forward eight years later

Alright I was going to write about how driving through Plainfield made me sick but I have a better idea, I think I want to actually spend a day there like and just hang like I used to and write down everything there. Okay good.

Rt 22, oh how I love you.
I really needed that drive today and although it was about 40 degrees + wind it felt so good to just feel free with my window and sunroof down. Meg and Dia, Matt and Kim, various doghouse records artists. That sunset felt special, felt like things could be alright so from now on, I don't care. I'm going to try to hope for the best.




Sir you are one of a kind. When we first met, you had a countless number of bracelets on and I was just in awe, not only cause of that but you gave Bre and I ones too and it was a sweet gesture. Thats how I remember you. Sure i also remember some other stuff ( when some chick kissed you err lol) but I forgave and we went on. What sucked was the fact that we live so far away but i'm happy we still keep in touch. You were nothing but a gentleman when I came to visit and just wanted me to be a good girl. Thank you

what i needed the most is gone now and i don't know how I'm going to do this alone.
theres so much needed to be paid but they just keep taking it away or " borrowing " but I'm never paid back. and gas, although it is just 27 dollars to fill up my tank, don't just go using it all and then argue with me when i ask for gas money.

oh what i would do if i had the courage.

i REFUSE to go back.


37,000 + 200 + 27 = 3927
thats not even what i use on small things.

yeah HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT ALONE? ESP IN A MONTH?!!
i fucking can't.

writers block.





www.myspace.com/mattandkim
www.myspace.com/gabrielthemarine
www.myspace.com/meganddia