So its eleven thirty, I'm listening to some band that just added me and all the while I should be laying down considering I just threw up for what, third time today? * thinking* Yes, its definitely the third. There's just a few things I want to say, excuse me if I don't make any sense, I don't like to re-read what I write and I just took two more pills of Pamprin considering I threw up the last two Pamprin pills.
First of all, as much as I bitch and complain about my parents, I do love them and they do try their best. Sometimes it sucks a whole lot and they pull some bullshit but sometimes they try to make me feel better. Example: All day today.
I thought I would be fine, no cramps, no nothing but no. First class was fine, a breeze in fact. I called my parents and told them that after my first class my stomach started hurting a little, they said if it gets too bad, just come home. Well let's just say I don't usually do whats best for me. I stayed in class, started tearing up and crying cause of the pain and cried all over my doodles:/. The two cutie pies on the other side looked over at me and I just covered my face and cried. I'm gonna email the professor in a little to tell him that I'm fine, its just I get terrible cramps. Well I get home and immediately, my mom has everything ready and I drink my tea, take my medicine and BARF. She just goes to clean the bathroom and warms me up more tea. I'm very happy the bathroom is clean now :) My dad rushes home to see me and he just looks at me and I could just see the sadness in his eyes. They just check on me and make me oatmeal and every other second ask me if I need anything and I just kept crying and puked again.
So far today: threw up three times, passed out once, cried all day and took 6 pills.
I better be all better by tomorrow.
Off to my second post!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
I've forgotten about some things
- dream.
- best friend weekend.
- work chaos.
- Florida in 20 days.
I have to remember to write about these. I've got a good entry for each but haven't been in the mood to write about them.
- best friend weekend.
- work chaos.
- Florida in 20 days.
I have to remember to write about these. I've got a good entry for each but haven't been in the mood to write about them.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I wish
I could say how repulsive you are to me.
You are poor white trash.
Your the most disgusting thing, you think hunting and killing innocent animals is just the best. What a fucking pig.
I like the fact that I stopped talking to you after I found all this out.
You scare me by the way, your disgusting tattoos.
I don't even talk to you anymore but I'm embarrassed I ever did.
You are poor white trash.
Your the most disgusting thing, you think hunting and killing innocent animals is just the best. What a fucking pig.
I like the fact that I stopped talking to you after I found all this out.
You scare me by the way, your disgusting tattoos.
I don't even talk to you anymore but I'm embarrassed I ever did.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Oh and Banks,
I know you'll never read this but thanks for not playing that song when Breona and I visited. I know you like that song a whole lot and it means so much that you wouldn't play it because I would get upset.
Thank you.
P.S. Vagina still don't like you.
Thank you.
P.S. Vagina still don't like you.
My nervous heart plays pits ocado
How I wish I had the guts to tell you how insanely attracted I am.
OH Well! Not happening :D
OH Well! Not happening :D
So there are a few things
these past three days that have just.. I don't know.. just have made me feel good.
Really good, I mean someone else might not feel that way with it but I means a whole lot to me.
1. The dog incident
Probably two to three nights ago I closed and was just walking to the car when I see a cute dog in someones car. Eddie actually pointed it out to me, my bad. But anyway I just walked past it like aw how cute but at one point I just turned around and was like wait.. this isn't right. So i stayed probably a few five to ten minutes and went back to the store but couldn't find the owner of the car or dog. It was about ten at night at this time so Pete told me its definitely someone that works at Lord and Taylor and told me to find mall security. So I walked a good amount and finally found them and we went back to the car. Still no show from the owner. Wait another good five to ten minutes, still no show. I left around ten fifteen and by this time, there were about three patrolling security officers and the one who was with me from the beginning. I had to go home but I gave them my number in case the person never showed and they told me that if the owner didn't pass by at ten thirty that the police would be called to issue a fine up to 500 dollars for animal neglect and cruelty [ they told me leaving a dog int he car for such a long time without any food and water is the same as leaving a child in a car without any food and water AND the first security guy said that he had seen the car there for a good amount of time that night ]. I didn't get a call but I did work the next day I so made sure to look for any of the security guards I saw that night, bingo. Found a lady and she told me that the owner was in fact someone from Lord and Taylor and they did get a fine of 250 but because they had never had a record of anything and also the fact that the dog was really happy and excited to see her, they couldn't give a really big amount. I didn't get the name of who it was but I'm glad that they did get punished. No one should leave a dog in their car while they're working. Whoever it was left their dog there for their ENTIRE shift. So 3+ hours. Whatabitch.
2. Following the Valentines Day Hearts
Today after class I took a drive to CVS to see if I could buy a new magazine for a notebook cover but no such luck so on my drive home I saw a heart with an arrow and realized it was someone planning a valentines day surprise for someone else. Obviously not me but I still wanted to check it out so I actually followed the hearts for a good while but it lead down rt.1 so I decided not to but wow. Took a few twists and turns and even a U turn but I hope that for whoever it was intended to, I hope that they found the right way and enjoyed it. Rarely do I get this excited for people but I couldn't stop smiling as I was following it. I mean, someone cared enough for someone else to put this all together. :D
Really good, I mean someone else might not feel that way with it but I means a whole lot to me.
1. The dog incident
Probably two to three nights ago I closed and was just walking to the car when I see a cute dog in someones car. Eddie actually pointed it out to me, my bad. But anyway I just walked past it like aw how cute but at one point I just turned around and was like wait.. this isn't right. So i stayed probably a few five to ten minutes and went back to the store but couldn't find the owner of the car or dog. It was about ten at night at this time so Pete told me its definitely someone that works at Lord and Taylor and told me to find mall security. So I walked a good amount and finally found them and we went back to the car. Still no show from the owner. Wait another good five to ten minutes, still no show. I left around ten fifteen and by this time, there were about three patrolling security officers and the one who was with me from the beginning. I had to go home but I gave them my number in case the person never showed and they told me that if the owner didn't pass by at ten thirty that the police would be called to issue a fine up to 500 dollars for animal neglect and cruelty [ they told me leaving a dog int he car for such a long time without any food and water is the same as leaving a child in a car without any food and water AND the first security guy said that he had seen the car there for a good amount of time that night ]. I didn't get a call but I did work the next day I so made sure to look for any of the security guards I saw that night, bingo. Found a lady and she told me that the owner was in fact someone from Lord and Taylor and they did get a fine of 250 but because they had never had a record of anything and also the fact that the dog was really happy and excited to see her, they couldn't give a really big amount. I didn't get the name of who it was but I'm glad that they did get punished. No one should leave a dog in their car while they're working. Whoever it was left their dog there for their ENTIRE shift. So 3+ hours. Whatabitch.
2. Following the Valentines Day Hearts
Today after class I took a drive to CVS to see if I could buy a new magazine for a notebook cover but no such luck so on my drive home I saw a heart with an arrow and realized it was someone planning a valentines day surprise for someone else. Obviously not me but I still wanted to check it out so I actually followed the hearts for a good while but it lead down rt.1 so I decided not to but wow. Took a few twists and turns and even a U turn but I hope that for whoever it was intended to, I hope that they found the right way and enjoyed it. Rarely do I get this excited for people but I couldn't stop smiling as I was following it. I mean, someone cared enough for someone else to put this all together. :D
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Boy
Your old band sucks.
Well actually no, your vocals just suck.
But your cool so it somewhat makes up for it.
I feel like this isn't personal anymore.. Making a new one.
This one will be for sometimes.
Well actually no, your vocals just suck.
But your cool so it somewhat makes up for it.
I feel like this isn't personal anymore.. Making a new one.
This one will be for sometimes.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Its Valentines Day
and one of my best friends is my Valentine.
I got a bag of Jax.
Lat years was better though, even snowball got something. I still have the drawing on my wall behind my computer and a bunch of stuff. I guess I just hold onto good memories, maybe its just me. Kinda wish this Valentines Day actually meant something.
I hate hockey tournaments.
Tomorrow is work and maybe going to Kean? I hope so, kid's one of a kind.
I got a bag of Jax.
Lat years was better though, even snowball got something. I still have the drawing on my wall behind my computer and a bunch of stuff. I guess I just hold onto good memories, maybe its just me. Kinda wish this Valentines Day actually meant something.
I hate hockey tournaments.
Tomorrow is work and maybe going to Kean? I hope so, kid's one of a kind.
Friday, February 13, 2009
oh wowwwww
Theres a million things running through my head and I absolutely LOVE it.
Its always been a good feeling to have it be like that, not sure why.
Went to L&T to go see Ramsha cause I don't know whats going on if shes going to be there or not anymore and I'm gonna miss her :/. People were making it a joke though and I just didn't like it one bit, what if the roles were reversed? How would they like it if they knew they were going to be fired and everyone was teasing them? Not cool.
Well went to go visit Dave right afterward and I couldn't stop smiling. The people over there are always so nice to me and we've caught them watching us haha. He's in Long Island at a hockey tournament but next week we have plans. Oh and boy has the cutest butt :D
Dad took forever finding his wallet so that sucked but the show was actually 21+ so there was no big. It sucked in a way just cause I was pumped but at the same time, just being able to stay out all night with friends totally makes up for it. We had some yummy veggie burgers, video chatted, chilled with Tom, and then went to Crow. Oh Crow.
I really forgot how much I missed those boys, they really make me feel safe. Like it doesn't matter what time, what day, if something is going on, there's always someone that's down for making Bre and I feel at home. We had a nice jam session in Banks room with some chick that makes out with everyone, Petersen, Banks, Bre and myself. I dont think there was an awkward moment, it was all pretty funny. We rocked out to some Good Charlotte and Something Corporate circa sixth and seventh grade and then went downstairs. What started as a conversation with Petersen, Emker, Tim and some other kid wound up being almost dying laughing thanks to Billy stumbling out of the house and somehow making it to the deli and back within a minute with two bags of beef jerky. He also was dancing. Like seriously dancing. I mean he scares me a bit cause hes really friendly but I know he would never try anything, just like dance on people. I dont think anything I say will actually do justice to last night. I'll post pictures later.
Its always been a good feeling to have it be like that, not sure why.
Went to L&T to go see Ramsha cause I don't know whats going on if shes going to be there or not anymore and I'm gonna miss her :/. People were making it a joke though and I just didn't like it one bit, what if the roles were reversed? How would they like it if they knew they were going to be fired and everyone was teasing them? Not cool.
Well went to go visit Dave right afterward and I couldn't stop smiling. The people over there are always so nice to me and we've caught them watching us haha. He's in Long Island at a hockey tournament but next week we have plans. Oh and boy has the cutest butt :D
Dad took forever finding his wallet so that sucked but the show was actually 21+ so there was no big. It sucked in a way just cause I was pumped but at the same time, just being able to stay out all night with friends totally makes up for it. We had some yummy veggie burgers, video chatted, chilled with Tom, and then went to Crow. Oh Crow.
I really forgot how much I missed those boys, they really make me feel safe. Like it doesn't matter what time, what day, if something is going on, there's always someone that's down for making Bre and I feel at home. We had a nice jam session in Banks room with some chick that makes out with everyone, Petersen, Banks, Bre and myself. I dont think there was an awkward moment, it was all pretty funny. We rocked out to some Good Charlotte and Something Corporate circa sixth and seventh grade and then went downstairs. What started as a conversation with Petersen, Emker, Tim and some other kid wound up being almost dying laughing thanks to Billy stumbling out of the house and somehow making it to the deli and back within a minute with two bags of beef jerky. He also was dancing. Like seriously dancing. I mean he scares me a bit cause hes really friendly but I know he would never try anything, just like dance on people. I dont think anything I say will actually do justice to last night. I'll post pictures later.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Third
in one day. Man I'm on a fucking roll..
Whenever I see something about my " brother " I just get so angry, he doesn't deserve what he has now, it's all thanks to us. What an ungrateful, disgusting man. No, I take it back, BOY. A man wouldn't do what he's done.
There are also a few other things I would like to say.
First of all, thank you white car last Sunday for being a speed demon with me all the way from Rowan to exit 8, you made the drive interesting and helped me out by pushing cars out of my way. I wish I knew you, just by your driving, your my type of person to be friends with :D
Also whoever was on the road Monday while on my way to work, cut that shit. I almost got into a fucking million accidents cause everyone was driving like me haha. I mean alright, the white car from above was just helpin me out, everyone from Monday was just being insane. Alright, I at least SLOW down at stop signs, I mean I don't really stop but I won't speed. And red lights, I only speed on yellow. Please no more running red lights when you see me coming.
Thank you and goodnight <3
The rest of the week will surely be interesting.
Whenever I see something about my " brother " I just get so angry, he doesn't deserve what he has now, it's all thanks to us. What an ungrateful, disgusting man. No, I take it back, BOY. A man wouldn't do what he's done.
There are also a few other things I would like to say.
First of all, thank you white car last Sunday for being a speed demon with me all the way from Rowan to exit 8, you made the drive interesting and helped me out by pushing cars out of my way. I wish I knew you, just by your driving, your my type of person to be friends with :D
Also whoever was on the road Monday while on my way to work, cut that shit. I almost got into a fucking million accidents cause everyone was driving like me haha. I mean alright, the white car from above was just helpin me out, everyone from Monday was just being insane. Alright, I at least SLOW down at stop signs, I mean I don't really stop but I won't speed. And red lights, I only speed on yellow. Please no more running red lights when you see me coming.
Thank you and goodnight <3
The rest of the week will surely be interesting.
Forced Christianity
So I do recognize myself as a good Christian girl, no matter what I do find the time to pray, no matter where I am, what I'm doing, I do see it important to do so.
I have my daily chat with God and tell him how I'm doing and either am thanking him for something I learned or asking him if I could possibly have something that I've been needing or wanting and he's helped me out a whole lot. I do the sign of the cross whenever I'm going out and yeah I have been caught but hey it doesn't really matter, its like my thing but I mean my parents, esp my mom acts like if I'm in a religious drought. I just had a sit down bible reading with them and everything was directed like " Oh, when your this, read that, and did you know this? " and I'm just like yeah. I know that. And I know that verse. And I understand what its saying. The whole time I'm just like wishing I could explain how they just don't understand. I'm not up for publicizing OH I LOVE JESUS AND HES MY LOVER. I mean, yeah he is haha he does more for me then my actual boyfriends EVER have. I'm pretty sure I've been in more near car accidents or just random shit that has happened where there was a huge possibility of being hurt but somehow I can out of it all unscathed. I won't criticize if someone is like that but I feel like my relationship with him is more personal and that is what feels better for me.
They are also trying to find a church closer so I can go to but I've already been to the one that they pretty much chose and I've already told them I just don't like it. Its a pretty popular one, is on TV and is like HUGE with screens everywhere and its own radio station or something and that's just not for me. Like I've said before, I like my relationship with Jesus and God to be more personal, we've been conned by a church when I was younger and just WILL NOT let that happen again. Oh and my dad tries to make it sound better by saying that the kids meet up and play music all night Friday-Sunday from 10 to 2am. I just walked away but I just wish i would have had the guts to just say what was on my mind. Personally, I don't do well with kids I meet from other churches just because of what happened in Plainfield and I'm okay with it, I don't need friends that would make me feel like I have to publicize my Christianity. Even if they wouldn't, what hurts is that I feel like the only way that I could go out until two is if I did that and I don't like that. It really pisses me off.
My dad cut bible session short and I felt ten times better.
Mom got mad though.
I felt relieved.
I have my daily chat with God and tell him how I'm doing and either am thanking him for something I learned or asking him if I could possibly have something that I've been needing or wanting and he's helped me out a whole lot. I do the sign of the cross whenever I'm going out and yeah I have been caught but hey it doesn't really matter, its like my thing but I mean my parents, esp my mom acts like if I'm in a religious drought. I just had a sit down bible reading with them and everything was directed like " Oh, when your this, read that, and did you know this? " and I'm just like yeah. I know that. And I know that verse. And I understand what its saying. The whole time I'm just like wishing I could explain how they just don't understand. I'm not up for publicizing OH I LOVE JESUS AND HES MY LOVER. I mean, yeah he is haha he does more for me then my actual boyfriends EVER have. I'm pretty sure I've been in more near car accidents or just random shit that has happened where there was a huge possibility of being hurt but somehow I can out of it all unscathed. I won't criticize if someone is like that but I feel like my relationship with him is more personal and that is what feels better for me.
They are also trying to find a church closer so I can go to but I've already been to the one that they pretty much chose and I've already told them I just don't like it. Its a pretty popular one, is on TV and is like HUGE with screens everywhere and its own radio station or something and that's just not for me. Like I've said before, I like my relationship with Jesus and God to be more personal, we've been conned by a church when I was younger and just WILL NOT let that happen again. Oh and my dad tries to make it sound better by saying that the kids meet up and play music all night Friday-Sunday from 10 to 2am. I just walked away but I just wish i would have had the guts to just say what was on my mind. Personally, I don't do well with kids I meet from other churches just because of what happened in Plainfield and I'm okay with it, I don't need friends that would make me feel like I have to publicize my Christianity. Even if they wouldn't, what hurts is that I feel like the only way that I could go out until two is if I did that and I don't like that. It really pisses me off.
My dad cut bible session short and I felt ten times better.
Mom got mad though.
I felt relieved.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
"And all the while
the road was her playground.
Her safety, her place she could go just to relax.
That day she felt free. "
Rowan was nice and the drive was just so good.
I needed that, I didn't even get lost.. well.. THAT bad haha.
Stephen seemed happy, it was really good to see that. His roomie, I think his name was Jon? John? Jhon? I don't fucking know but whatever it was, he was nice. I really thought he was going to be a hermit but nah, he was talkative and tried to convince me not to chill in Camden but hey.. you can't really have me so close to there and be like oh no, don't go. Its kinda like giving a child a toxic small toy that looks yummy and being like OH DONT EAT IT. yeah right, next time i'm driving Stephen and I through Camden and we'll chill hard with my homie the black polock.
The boys that I met on the team were funny, nice, and didn't joke around about the mentally retarded. We tried to get this boy Jake to talk to these two girls but instead he wound up just staring and Stephen went to go talk to them. I couldn't stop laughing when he came back and was like " Oh, they pointed at you cause you wouldn't stop staring at them " lmfao.
I kinda wish i stayed the night.
Oh well, next time :)
Her safety, her place she could go just to relax.
That day she felt free. "
Rowan was nice and the drive was just so good.
I needed that, I didn't even get lost.. well.. THAT bad haha.
Stephen seemed happy, it was really good to see that. His roomie, I think his name was Jon? John? Jhon? I don't fucking know but whatever it was, he was nice. I really thought he was going to be a hermit but nah, he was talkative and tried to convince me not to chill in Camden but hey.. you can't really have me so close to there and be like oh no, don't go. Its kinda like giving a child a toxic small toy that looks yummy and being like OH DONT EAT IT. yeah right, next time i'm driving Stephen and I through Camden and we'll chill hard with my homie the black polock.
The boys that I met on the team were funny, nice, and didn't joke around about the mentally retarded. We tried to get this boy Jake to talk to these two girls but instead he wound up just staring and Stephen went to go talk to them. I couldn't stop laughing when he came back and was like " Oh, they pointed at you cause you wouldn't stop staring at them " lmfao.
I kinda wish i stayed the night.
Oh well, next time :)
Friday, February 6, 2009
geiwovnfdjnzbvgf
I couldn't get it all out with one post.
I miss my besties.
Might go visit Stephen at Rowan tomorrow.
Might sleepover.
Might hang with Breona.
Wish it was older times.
I don't take change very well.. or separation.
Florida might kill me.
Dave is too nice, I don't want him to get hurt.
I'm too much of a bitch and don't care about boys like that.
I need attention, I need someone to be there and since we've never been able to see each other out of work, I'm caring less.
I mean he's sweet and always reminds me to make a wish but no.
When I go to work tomorrow I might just go see him so who knows.
That face might make me change my mind, he has such a sweet smile, its rare, its genuine.
Rowan tomorrow possibly.
I need to just vent.
Writing doesn't always fix things. Plus I can't really write down everything I think, its too embarrassing.
Snowball knows everything though, she doesn't care. She loves me no matter what.
Phone call from Chicago.
Come back to Jersey and let's hang and just be fun again please.
I'll make the empanadass :)
I miss my besties.
Might go visit Stephen at Rowan tomorrow.
Might sleepover.
Might hang with Breona.
Wish it was older times.
I don't take change very well.. or separation.
Florida might kill me.
Dave is too nice, I don't want him to get hurt.
I'm too much of a bitch and don't care about boys like that.
I need attention, I need someone to be there and since we've never been able to see each other out of work, I'm caring less.
I mean he's sweet and always reminds me to make a wish but no.
When I go to work tomorrow I might just go see him so who knows.
That face might make me change my mind, he has such a sweet smile, its rare, its genuine.
Rowan tomorrow possibly.
I need to just vent.
Writing doesn't always fix things. Plus I can't really write down everything I think, its too embarrassing.
Snowball knows everything though, she doesn't care. She loves me no matter what.
Phone call from Chicago.
Come back to Jersey and let's hang and just be fun again please.
I'll make the empanadass :)
haha
I'm sorry Mike, you were more of a brother then Andy EVER was.
Whenever I was bummed, he didn't give a SHIT, but you were there always saying oh don't worry sis, everything will be better and i believed it. It did make me feel better, thank you.
You were EVERYTHING he wasn't.
I mean that asshole even didn't want us to hang, he didn't want us to be friends, he didn't want me to even know you.
How fucking rude.
HE WANTS TO LEGALLY CHANGE HIS LAST NAME SO HE WON'T BE A CHAVARRIA ANYMORE.
How can you tell me to try to love him and be a good sister?
Fuck that, I'm an only child. I don't consider him family.
He can go back to Colombia, we don't want him here. I know I don't.
I'm better off as the only child.
We're convinced he would hit Snowball, that's why she would flip when he was around and can't even hear his name without shaking.
If I EVER have any evidence of that, I WILL take him to court and will try to get his ass in jail.
I DON'T HAVE A BROTHER.
Whenever I was bummed, he didn't give a SHIT, but you were there always saying oh don't worry sis, everything will be better and i believed it. It did make me feel better, thank you.
You were EVERYTHING he wasn't.
I mean that asshole even didn't want us to hang, he didn't want us to be friends, he didn't want me to even know you.
How fucking rude.
HE WANTS TO LEGALLY CHANGE HIS LAST NAME SO HE WON'T BE A CHAVARRIA ANYMORE.
How can you tell me to try to love him and be a good sister?
Fuck that, I'm an only child. I don't consider him family.
He can go back to Colombia, we don't want him here. I know I don't.
I'm better off as the only child.
We're convinced he would hit Snowball, that's why she would flip when he was around and can't even hear his name without shaking.
If I EVER have any evidence of that, I WILL take him to court and will try to get his ass in jail.
I DON'T HAVE A BROTHER.
Leave Phelps alone
Seriously.
Hes only acting like a normal 23 year old, get off his dick.
He was at a fucking college party doing what everyone else was doing.
What the fuck.
Just cause hes an Olympian doesn't mean hes fucking Jesus. He curses, shits, drinks and smokes like like other people his age. Damn.
Hes only acting like a normal 23 year old, get off his dick.
He was at a fucking college party doing what everyone else was doing.
What the fuck.
Just cause hes an Olympian doesn't mean hes fucking Jesus. He curses, shits, drinks and smokes like like other people his age. Damn.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
they
put me as the only person to close these nights..
that's the way i like it.
not to sound greedy but its great being the only one making money.
that's the way i like it.
not to sound greedy but its great being the only one making money.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
ahem
working with people who want you out is the worst.
i miss everyone that used to work at Lord and Taylor, its horrible how they plant things on people or come up with bullshit excuses just to fire someone.
for people who are old as bats, I'm shocked they can act as immature as a high schooler.
AND FINALLY I AM BETTER.
Paramus Friday.
Nixon shall pay. hahaha
nah i don't really care, Dave is still in the picture so Nixon never really had a chance. bahaha
Dave is in there..surprisingly
I cant wait to bake and do everything we planned.
i miss everyone that used to work at Lord and Taylor, its horrible how they plant things on people or come up with bullshit excuses just to fire someone.
for people who are old as bats, I'm shocked they can act as immature as a high schooler.
AND FINALLY I AM BETTER.
Paramus Friday.
Nixon shall pay. hahaha
nah i don't really care, Dave is still in the picture so Nixon never really had a chance. bahaha
Dave is in there..surprisingly
I cant wait to bake and do everything we planned.
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