MAKE IT STOP ALREADY DAMNIT

my immune system needs to pick up its shit and start working already.

I WAS HEALTHY FOR ABOUT TWO FUCKING WEEKS THIS MONTH.

- throat closing [ why? they don't fucking know ]
- stomach virus
- badass cold & throat went back to being mildly fucked up

Its weird cause the only times I was actually okay was the week that i went to see Dave and the week that the S.S boys came to visit and then I got sick again.



please please pleaseee let me feel better.
every damn winter I get crazy sick.
every winter without fail.
i'm going crazy just let me feel better.

I'm sorry that my concern and actual caring turned into such a feeling of disgust but how could you let yourself turn into something so ugly?










And yes, I do feel uncomfortable so Rachel I want you to stay in the room.
47 Days until Florida.

haha you suck

i'm excited

on this weekend.
on how school is going
on how the boys boy is going.

things are going so well, it can't stop now.
i mean, yeah its not like PERFECT so it can't come crashing down
so I'm pumped.
just don't want it to get to be perfect cause then.. you know.

feelin good

I now know what I want.
Its all working out for the best.
Come spring next year, I'll be in USF.





and for the other thing, I've made up my mind :D
I'm all smiles.
There's just one.

take that back

Buddy, I'm glad to have you as a friend again.

Although I already heard some shit for being your friend again but duh its from someone who never really liked that we were together from the get go its okay. I love that I can call you up and you still pick up and listen to me rant and rave and its all good to talk about guys and I'm fine with you talking about girls. I'm sincerely happy for you and oddly enough, I knew we would get back to being friends again. We meet up, have a snack, go to the mall, its just like old times but this time, there's no fighting, just a good feeling.

Brian Christopher Wu, I'm happy we're back to the old ways before everything happened.

I don't really care about what's going on now.
There used to be so much to write about, its just not there anymore.



I really want to go see Matt and Kim tomorrow but no one feels like going to Brooklyn.
Fuck.


www.myspace.com/selectstart
www.myspace.com/gabrielthemarine
www.myspace.com/mattandkim
www.myspace.com/paulbaribeau

Such a mix

of emotions right now.
Parents were lame as hell tonight,
said that I'm not doing anything with my life and that my friends are using me.
Enough of that, it makes me angry as hell.

but to one of my best.
I just wish you could realize how AMAZING you are, I couldn't ask for a better person as a friend. You apologized recently because you thought that you were being selfish but the fact that today when I needed you, you were there just PROVES that your not. You even called back hours later just to make sure I was feeling okay AND you text me. Your just incredible and I'm so happy to have you as one of my best friends.



Oh and boy, your just too much.
Its great though. Had my eye on you for a while and I'm so happy its starting to work out.
Grilled cheese sandwiches, cupcakes, ice skating. Can't wait!

Happy Birthday

You would have been 30 today.
I'm so sorry.
RIP Aaliyah Dana Haughton
January 16, 1979 – August 25, 2001

I remember listening to you when I was younger and this song still gives me goosebumps.

#!$!!%$*&^%$^#

Okay Fuck all this shit.

I go by myself all the god damn fucking time and don't complain.
I'll be honest though, I don't like going by myself when it's either far or I don't know the area and since weird shit has been going on, I'm freaked out for tomorrow.
Do I EVER make people go with me? No. Do I BEG? no. Has shit happened when I've gone by myself? YES.

Last time I went by myself it was the worse experience ever and I was crying at some random fucking gas station and Jonathan had to come to give me gas and make me feel better and stop freaking out.

Am I going to tell this to anyone? Probably not cause I don't want pity, I don't want anyone to feel like they HAVE to but god fucking damnit do I just want to scream in peoples faces

FUCK YOUUUUU.

Oh and to you sweety, IF SOMEONE DIES, YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY OH ITS BETTER THAT YOU KILLED YOURSELF THEN DRIFT AWAY or some shit. YOUR A FUCKING CHILD WHO DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS YET. you have your tattoos and your gothic shit but oh my fucking god your going through your phases like everyone. Sorry you think that lifes to fucking tragic that everyone should kill themselves, take some antidepressants and cheer the FUCK up.



YOU FUCKING CUNTS.

besides that, today was pretty much perfect.
way for a happy fucking ending.

You've made a

Lasting Impressions - The Starting Line

Your not worth my time writing about :D

Death Cab for Cutie
"Passenger Seat"

I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

"do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.

When you feel embarrassed then i'll be your pride
When you need directions then i'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.


______

Lets hang.

Just a few things

Maybe I'm just not a modern day girl? Maybe there's just something wrong but I don't see kissing girls as something you do casually. Showing affection to your best friends is one thing but to get wasted every weekend and make out? That's just not classy. Grow the fuck up you fat cows.

_______

Your cute and it grosses me out.
Past is the past is the past is the past.

_______


Nervous about Friday?
What an oddball. I don't get nervous and after going to the H&M boys, I was pretty sure I would have been over it all but I still get butterflies? Haha I'm thinking of just not showing up at all.. whoops :D

______

Im Vivian and I think in fragments.

seriously girls,

Can you please stop being paranoid and making your boys delete their myspaces?
ITS THE INTERNET
They aren't cheating.

Also, want to give me back my friends?
Like so we can actually hang? Thanks.




Sincerely,
Vivian



UGHHHHH bff sleepovers aren't gonna happen. Bitchhhh

I can't handle cruelty.
I can't look at the pictures, I can't listen to the stories.
Class sucked.

At least he said sorry for making me cry. Professor felt bad too, whatever.




www.myspace.com/mattandkim

Need some more V necks, lets shop.

Two times in a day

I guess I'm on a roll?

Welll last time, i spoke about money and even the time before then i was stressed out about paying for school but my daddy just called, he's paying for half :D
I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.



Oh and I bought my Jax.
Today has just become amazing.




www.myspace.com/thetitlenj
www.myspace.com/gabrielthemarine

Oh and this summer.. camping again.
Best times with Best friends.

Rant: Sick.School.Money

Alright so let me just start off by saying if I don't have your number, my first instinct is to be rude cause maybe I don't have your number on purpose, maybe I didn't save it cause I dont want to talk to you? Just a possibility..


I'm sick. Been sick since the winter session started and still goin strong with it. oh and I forgot to mention although it may be apparent, I get really bitchy when I'm sick. Eat a whole lot too so if you love me, bring me some Jax? Thanksss. Why did I take a winter course? Two infact. Maybe it was a mistake, we'll know by the end of the semester, if I got anything less then a B, it was a waste. If not, then hell I should have taken one last year. All I know is that I refuse to take any more of those unless I'm in warmer weather cause Lord knows if I even take a few steps outside in the cold, I immediately get sick. I want to go tanning. Yumm tanning. Dont want to go in it and get gross germs everywhere so that's out of the question. Maybe pathmark and get me some Jax. Maybe go and see which classes I can take in the spring/fall that will transfer over to WPU & USF. But hey, that would mean going out into the cold so thats a no.. well.. for the time being.

I love my two classes, I really do and honestly, I never felt bad about missing classes more then I do right now. Every class missed is a step taken back because we learn so much in just one class and although I keep hearing people, ESP for eng 122 saying that we arent learning anything.. YES WE DO ASSHOLES GIVE HIM MORE CREDIT. we learn how to become better writers, how to catch simple mistakes and fix them. maybe if you weren't too busy complaining you would learn a little. bitches. As horrible as it sounds, the only time i'm going to be writing in with correct grammer is when it's for a grade or a job so here, don't expect it. Speech is so much fun, I wish i had taken it sooner. Professor Insolera doesn't do lectures which is perfect for me cause I fall asleep listening to them. He lets us be the teachers and I love that. Maybe all speech classes are like that? I dont know but I like it.

I need to feel better, I need to feel like me again. I love the feeling when your all better and feel great and you can't even remember what feeling sick was like.

OH OH OH OH! Money issues, I figured it out.. Well in a way. My mother owes me a good amount and paycheck is tomororw so what i'm doing is that i'm going to re-register for two classes and start off with a payment plan. that means that i would only have to put up 372 up front which i will have. right before classes start i should have another paycheck which will be way better and i'll sign up for 2 MORE classes and put in another payment. That should give me four classes right there and my money situation should be all set. Thank you mommy for forgetting to pay me for a week, now I'm good :D

springtime, please get your ass over here already.
kay thanks.

I swear

I won't give up.
just something in my gut tells me not to let go.
I get nervous, anxious, don't know what to say and stumble on my words

but its kind of refreshing.






I put way too much on my plate.

fast forward eight years later

Alright I was going to write about how driving through Plainfield made me sick but I have a better idea, I think I want to actually spend a day there like and just hang like I used to and write down everything there. Okay good.

Rt 22, oh how I love you.
I really needed that drive today and although it was about 40 degrees + wind it felt so good to just feel free with my window and sunroof down. Meg and Dia, Matt and Kim, various doghouse records artists. That sunset felt special, felt like things could be alright so from now on, I don't care. I'm going to try to hope for the best.




Sir you are one of a kind. When we first met, you had a countless number of bracelets on and I was just in awe, not only cause of that but you gave Bre and I ones too and it was a sweet gesture. Thats how I remember you. Sure i also remember some other stuff ( when some chick kissed you err lol) but I forgave and we went on. What sucked was the fact that we live so far away but i'm happy we still keep in touch. You were nothing but a gentleman when I came to visit and just wanted me to be a good girl. Thank you

what i needed the most is gone now and i don't know how I'm going to do this alone.
theres so much needed to be paid but they just keep taking it away or " borrowing " but I'm never paid back. and gas, although it is just 27 dollars to fill up my tank, don't just go using it all and then argue with me when i ask for gas money.

oh what i would do if i had the courage.

i REFUSE to go back.


37,000 + 200 + 27 = 3927
thats not even what i use on small things.

yeah HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT ALONE? ESP IN A MONTH?!!
i fucking can't.

writers block.





www.myspace.com/mattandkim
www.myspace.com/gabrielthemarine
www.myspace.com/meganddia